Saw Alik Ryhman and got some good old fashioned Russian cooking for Lunch and dinner, because I smuggled a few of the pies on the road with me. Then it was off to San Francisco, again with a detour on the Pacific Coast Highway and through Malibu, eventually on to 101 and then here, to my relatives house, where Im writing this from.

Malibu was interesting, its mostly just a mountain on one side, the highway and then houses on the other. You only see the backs of the houses because the fronts all face the beach and there is no break between them. Although the backs sometimes look shitty you know they are expensive because of the cars parked outside. Saw quite a few Ferraris, tons of Porsches, a Ford GT90, and 2 Murcis. There are a few areas for public access which are swarming with quite a few people, and the public beaches arent much. At least the ones I saw, where it was like 5 feet of sand and then the surf and you had to climb down rocks to get there. Either that or I didnt notice where the stairs were.

Driving further north eventually the houses end and then you have mountain cliffs on one side of you and then the water on the other, with some public access beaches or other times just cliffs. Definitely very beautiful and scenic especially at sunset when I was driving through it. Although I wouldnt mind catching the sights again on the way down South if I end up heading back to LA. Which I think I will have to. Just so I can at least try one Sushi restaurant and one Mexican spot.

Whats interesting about the freeways here is that although the motorists dont really always get out of the left lane to let you through, they usually switch lanes to the left if there is a merge onto the highway, to allow the merging cars ample access to the roadway to pickup speed and join the traffic. After spending probably 7-8 hours behind the wheel, I can again report that there were no decent drivers. Although Im starting to think that decent means aggressive a la New York style, but even so, for all of the nice and fast cars (I saw a very nice red 997 turbo on the road) no one really drives them the way they should be driven. But I guess thats true everywhere, but in NY you would definitely pick up at least one decent race driving for 7 hours. So maybe its a West Coast thing, I dunno. Maybe they arent stressed because of the wonderful weather?

Also I drove through a mountain to get from LA to Malibu, Topanga Canyon drive. Where interesting and it intersects Mulhulland drive. Overall CA is very interesting in the sense that you have very different climates just a few miles from each other. In LA it was hot and a bit humid, but in Malibu just 20 miles out it was breezy and cool. I guess that's the huge appeal of the area? That and the fact that there isnt much else that surrounds it as the South West is a rather desolate place broken up by a few urban centers which really dont hold a candle to New York.

Anyway time for some rest, gotta visit Dedushka Misha tomorrow. That and send an email.

At first I thought that New York was the best and really the only place to speed and have fun, but LA is right up there. Everywhere the highway is at least 4 lanes and everyone is already flying at 75-85mph so that gives me an edge as the M5 really gets much faster in comparison to other cars when the speeds are higher. There are a few decent cars here, and some modded ones, but I havent seen a single decent driver yet.

After spending the week in Vegas I think I need to decompress. I mean I didn't even do that much but it still is a bit over whelming. When you think about the size of the buildings its quite interesting. I mean being from New York you get used to these massive structures, but these casinos really give the sky scrappers are run for their money. Besides being 50 stories tall their foot prints on the ground floor especially if you also throw in the parking lots are gigantic.

So what can I say about Vegas besides the fact that it is hot as all hell and neither I nor Annie can figure out why the hell anyone would live there. Well the plus sides are that everywhere you got valet, if you tip everyone loves you because I guess the majority of US tourists dont. Personally I wouldnt recommend doing the whole tourist thing and checking out all of the Casinos because its a lot of work going from one to the other especially by foot. Also I dont see the point in just seeing things, I mean unless you experience it, its just another memory that will eventually get lost and not matter. However, the water show at the Bellagio is spectacular, but only because when the water shoots up the under water cannons (they can only be described as such) make a very nice bang sound. It almost feels like the 4th of July or some other ceremonious day whenever you see them.

I think you should stay at the hotel where you plan to do everything. This way you never have to leave the building which is pretty much the point behind these casinos. I havent seen everything, nowhere close to it, but after spending my last night in the Bellagio I have to give it to the Palms. Although at first it doesnt strike you as spectacular the one thing it doesn't do is let you down. While you are short of saying wow a few times you never complain about anything which is actually quite impressive when you spend an entire week there. Hopefully when I go back (trying to be optimistic here) I would definitely stay there again. You got just enough of a casino to do gambling, and the rest is focused on relaxation and partying, which is really why people should goto Vegas in the first place. Partying, not gambling. If you want to gamble, goto AC, its closer, and actually from what I've seen, better, well in terms of poker. Borgata still has a poker room that is about 5-10 times the size of the Bellagios, and probably 20 times the size of the Palms.

I flew Annie in for Thursday night because Vegas sucks if you are by yourself and we partied it up at Moon, which is at the Palms. We got a private table, which turned out to be right on the dance floor. We split a bottle of Patron Silver and Kettle mostly just between the two of us and I dont ever recall being more drunk in my life. Although at the club everything was fine, but when we got back to the room I got very friendly with the toilet bowl. Most of Friday was spent recuperating, hanging out at the pool for like 4 hours and ending up looking like a very nice ripened tomato. Although the Philly Cheese was awesome. Then we went to the Venetian, ate dinner, inhaled some oxygen at an oxygen bar and just walked around. After I dropped off Annie at the air port I decided I was too tired to drive so I stayed at the Bellagio, mostly to just say I stayed there. Although everything was decent, I didnt like it at all. I mean I much prefer the Palms in every respect. Oh well good to know for future trips.

The following day I woke up at 2:10PM and late checkout is 2:00PM and 2:30PM at the latest. So after I found that out at about 2:18PM I scrambled downstairs as quickly as possible. Though I was late, it didnt look like there were any additional charges although I was prepared to bribe the front desk guy with a c-note if need be, which would still be cheaper than the additional $300 charge to my credit card.

Had breakfast at Einstein's which is the other good thing about Vegas and set out for San Diego. Then I changed my mind since I didnt know anyone there and decided to head to LA. When I got in I drove to Beverly Hills and just drove around a bit. First impressions are that its like Manhattan Beach except the houses are larger and further apart from each other, and it is actually on a hill, quite a big one to be exact. Then I tried searching for a hotel drove around a bit and decided to fuck it and head to San Diego anyway which is where I am now.

Hopefully tomorrow night I will be in San Francisco after heading through LA in the middle of the day.

So that's an update on the what.

I saw Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

Now I guess you will have to read to the end to find out how, lol.

I set off from Albuquerque heading for Vegas. My dad recommended that I arrive there at night to drive in and see it all lit up so I wasnt opposed to a bit of sight seeing on my way off.

After leaving New Mexico where I wasn't comfortable to partake of any tokes because of the border patrol incident, I was happy to drive through Arizona and give it a go. After toking a bit I took a detour to see America's first recorded crater. At first I thought the exhibit would suck, but after seeing it, I was completely wrong. After scaring the shit out of myself with that I was back on the road.

Making good time I decided to pull over for some more toking and making my reservations, hoping to kill time. Seeing as how it was taking too long I took off, after passing a few signs for the hoover dam none of which I took I decided to take a detour through some lake path instead. I drove down this ridiculously twisty gravelly road and the entire time I could only think about how great of a Rally track this would make.

I got to the bottom and its actually a huge lake at the bottom of a canyon I suppose. So I hang out there for a while and again toke a bit, just as I do so forrest rangers drive up right behind me. So once again I'm on high alert but I dont abandon the J. When I hear them leave I get back in my car and start driving up the same windy road.

Just as the trees are kicking in and I start taking the corners a bit faster my car overheats. It was sitting at the bottom of that lake in 115 degree weather and I had been driving for like 6 hours straight before that so the car didnt handle it well. I pulled over and popped the engine cool off. The sun was already setting so I decided to play it safe and wait till it set and hopefully lowered the temperature of the air. With nothing to do I decided to listen to my iPhone and toke some more.

Then I thought, I'm in the middle of nowhere with a great buzz and music. So I did the only thing I could do. I danced in the middle of a desert with an overheated M5 in the background with it's hood popped, me tripping balls on some very nice trees, dancing like an idiot. That went on for a good hour or so where I also realized that dancing in 100 degree weather with no drinks while chewing gum after having just smoked up a shitload probably wasnt the brightest idea. I decided to get back in the car and drive off as the sun had just about completely set.

I lowered the windows to get any remaining smell out and set off. At this point I'm literally flying and driving in the dark, with no ambient light on a single lane highway that goes through the mountains at like 45-65mph and where the next lane over is on-coming traffic. In front of me is a huge RV and I'm just flipping my shit.

Just as I settle into it I see that there is a check point up a head. I'm thinking just great. I decided to quickly just dump the roach and really lower the windows. When I pull up its a Nevada/Arizona border patrol. Everything is in slow motion because I'm really just gone at this point. The officer asks me where Im headed. I tell him Vegas, doing the whole cross-country road trip. As Im still fumbling in my pants to get my license out he waves me on past. Instead of driving off and thanking my lucky stars, I decided to tell him to hold on a sec while I put away all of that stuff. As I drove I was thinking what the fuck am I doing.

Then behind me pulls up this impala so Im thinking its them but I know its not but it still feels like it. So anyway we keep driving and the road doesn't get any better. And then as it gets even more twisty I realized the high security was for the hoover dam and before I know it we turn a corner and I see the dam. It's huge and light up at night. The road continues to wind down and then I realize that this road drives right over it. It's exactly like out of a James Bond movie, or Total Recall, or Equilibrium. I felt I was on the run being chased by the Po Po driving through some sort of weird technological fortress, all the while windows down with the Vegas heat and my music blaring.

After stopping off to take a picture of it at night I drive on through it. Im actually on the dam as I pass the border between arizona and New Mexico, and there is a clock in a tower just to your right and its because the time zone shifts exactly at this line and I drove over it. My heart is still flying the speeds there are like 15 mph with twisty roads and pedestrian crossings and cops everywhere. Just as I pass through the fortress area of the hoover dam I pull into a small gas station and get a Diet 7UP because I need fluids. I know Im tripping balls because the attendant stares at me, which probably makes sense because I was overacting and my eyes were all over the place.

After finishing half the bottle I set off back on the road and Im driving through more twisty roads. Finally things settle down and I ease up a little and put on some music. Then I drive over the highway and I see Las Vegas spread out before me at night and I literally start saying Wow Wow Wow over and over again. After leaving San Antonio and even before that I haven't really been to any big cities, and not at night lit up. Here I am driving into it a night and it looks exactly like cities look from a plane, except Im seeing it at ground level and I can even see the elevation of some buildings. So Im driving in flipping out and I decide to put on Blinded By The Light as it seemed only appropriate.

So I drive into the city with music blaring tripping and not knowing what planet Im on. I get to the hotel and I pop a U right in front of a cop, although I think it was legal. I pull up to the valet and get my baggage checked with a handler and then I walk over to the reception area. As the guy is working on my stuff I look around and I see this really skinny tatooed guy walking. Then I realize on shit thats Tommy Lee. And he has a few peeps next to him including this blonde chick with a huge rack, and as she turns to say something I'm like holy shit thats Pamela Anderson. So they walk out and I get my card and slowly make my way to the elevators. As I'm getting my phone out guess who passes me? Tommy Lee. So I follow him, get to the elevators and walk into his without even looking at the sign. When I realize that Im in the wrong one since this one is for even numbers only I walk out. And that was my entire run with the celeb world. Well at least for now, who knows lol.

Anyway, I got in and called Ben and then decided to write this all up before showering and heading down stairs.

Well glad to report that it did. I was able to take in more of the nature and spend time thinking but in positive routes. To the point where I gave Alina a call to I guess say good bye because we both know thats the only place that this would end up. It was a bit awkward and should have been but it laid the path for the rest of the day.

Halfway through the day I was in El Paso, Texas. I decided to randomly turn off the freeway because I wanted to get lunch somewhere local and took an exit for Juarez. It then turned out to be an exit for Juarez Mexico. Mexico as in the other country just south of us. Well that was a surprise, and given how I had no passport, lost my green card, and didnt want to risk not re-entering the country I took the only available exit other than leaving the country entirely.

Using citysearch via the iPhone I looked up a Mexican place and punched it into the Navi but on my way there I passed by a scenic drive. The road was literally called scenic drive, after filling up I went on it. It basically goes up and around a small mountain which borders the town on one side. There I decided to do some climbing and burn more trees. Then I went up to the lookout point where I met a local grandmother and her granddaughter that was visiting and she pointed a few interesting notes. Such as that 70% of what I saw below wasn't El Paso but was in fact Juarez Mexico which border each other. Originally they were separated by a river, that when it flooded would literally move the border with it. To make the border more static it was replaced with a canal system. She recommended an Italian place and I checked it out. It was pretty good then I set off back on the road.

As I got into New Mexico I had to pass through border control which was a bit weird. And wouldnt you know it they had a drug sniffing dog. So as I drove by the guy asked me where are you from, I told him New York. Then I saw the guy with the dog walking behind the car and I had an "Oh Shit" moment. He asked me where I was headed, I told him Albuquerque. Then he waved me on. It wasnt until I would reach a gas station on the way to Albuquerque that I would see something that would resemble a snout passing by the trunk in the dirt left behind. That's when I removed the remainder from the pocket of the bookbag and decided to finish it off on my drive into the town, as I felt that was a safer route.

Then having a conversation with Meg I guess I would have to say that I had that epiphany moment that makes complete sense. Basically, if you ever watched the movie with Tom Hanks, "Big" that's what my life is.

Sometime when I was younger, probably between 11 and 13 years old I wished away all of my insecurities. Well I was poor and fat and I wished that I could be different. Well, somehow that wish was granted because that's what I am now. But in return I sacrificed all of my emotional development in the interim. Then at some point as I was accomplishing these things I started walking up. However, I was still that 11 or 13 year old and in a 20 year olds body. But I thought I was 20 so I would project that image, and of course being 11 or 13 I could never live up to it, and that was the cause of alot of my discomfort, and much of the sadness that has plagued me the last several years.

Well realizing all of this, combining it with my morning conversation with Alina I realized that what I feel is what I feel, thats how I have to act, if I dont, I create an image and by default I can not live up to a false image, it's dishonest.

So anyway taking a breather to watch Entourage isn't good for stream of conciousness writing, but the basic jist is that I am what I am despite outside appearances and if I just approach all situations like that I will be happier, I will make progress, and since I have all of these fun things now that I didnt have back then, then this should be a blessing not a curse and so I should embrace it to the fullest and just be myself.

Oh yeah, Albuquerque closes early on Sundays, lol.

Vegas tomorrow baby, although I'm thinking I would have been better off with reservations or with a little bit of planning maybe. I guess we'll see if I get a hit or strikeout.

I didn't have any stops planned for the day so it was just a question of how many miles I could cover before I wanted to shoot myself, fall asleep behind the wheel, or make the wise decision of pulling off the road and getting some rest somewhere.

I made it over 600 miles though Texas plus the miles in LA, and I did close to 700 miles for the day. I passed through Houston and San Antonio. In San Antonio I blew through the entire city doing around 90-100 through its winding freeways which was a lot of fun. Little did I know that after San Antonio civilization completely ends. The highways speed limit is raised to 80, which should have been an indicator for me, but by the time I realized that I was nowhere near anything, mainly by a Best Western billboard that was advertising a hotel just 100 some odd miles away, I saw that I was precariously low on gas. I was tempted to shift the car to nuetral whenever I was going downhill like I had to do as per Olga's suggestion one time when we were low on gas in the M3 in Pittsburgh, but I didn't want to bother with the SMG and figured it was probably better to leave it alone.

Eventually I did happen upon a gas station with about 30-50 miles left on my range. I filled up, got an apple, got some bread because I didn't feel like further upsetting my stomach with the crap they sell on the road, asked the gas station attendant lady about how far apart the next towns were and after she told me a hundred miles apart I decided that I was going to refuel at just about every gas station that I passed by.

Getting back on the road I decided to take advantage of the rather high speed limits, the lack of cars, and the straight roads as my photographs will testify to. I sped on through Texas for the next two hours where my average speed was probably somewhere between 103mph and 107mph. I think the M5 gets better gas mileage at those speeds given the speed and time of travel.

The second gas station that I filled up was a complete hole in the wall and it smelled like methane outside, or what I could guess was methane. Well basically it smelled like farts. I saw that there were some rigs, small ones, not too far in the distance so I figured it was attached to that. That's when a woman and her daughter came down from across the bridge because they were low on diesel, unfortunately the gas station they stopped at was closed and the next town, Fort Stockton, where I stayed overnight, was 30 miles away and they wouldnt make it. So they asked for a ride into town and I agreed, after we got their hamsters so they wouldnt die in the heat or get eaten by stray wild cats, we were off, but crossing the bridge to get back on the highway we passed by another guy who was stranded in his huge semi because something was broken. I offered to give him a lift as well but he was just going to hang out and wait for his company to send help, and he offered to pump out some gas for the ladies, so we got some spare tubing that was on the floor and I drove them back to the gas station, gave them one of my spare portable gas tanks and bid them good luck and farewell. Of course in the process I managed to somehow step on a twig that had a very sharp barb, that went completely through my flip flop and into my toe, at first I thought it was a splinter, but luckily after stepping on it a few times and trying to fix a rattle in my trunk on the road I found it and removed it.

Oh yeah, I also peed in the dessertish climate.

Thought it was worth a mention.

Oh and on the road I spotted some test mules. Unfortunately it's for a new mazda coupe so its not really worth much, but since it was kinda cool to see I figured I would include the images anyway.

Overall I have to say that Texas past San Antonio is rather beautiful and serene. A bit unexpected, I mean I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it is very nice at sunset as I'm sure the pictures will attest to. Now, Im off to Albuquerque, NM, I should be there in about 6-7 hours and see whats going on there tonight then head off to Vegas tomorrow and try to ride in at night so I can see it lit up at night in the desert as my dad recommended.

Anyway, now I gotta exercise and head off back on the road.

Thinking about what somebody said to me earlier today, I would have to say that I am indeed a bit empty on the inside. I mean looking around it would be so easy and trouble free for me to fall into mediocrity. Completely unknown and looked over. I don't know if this would make me happy or if perhaps when I broke out of that spell I would have realized how much time I wasted. If I dont strive for mediocrity then I am far off from where I need to be. But unfortunately, or fortunately, I guess depending on how you look at it the potential is there.

It's lurking underneath the surface and usually when push comes to shove it shines through, but in such cases the circumstances of the situation completely determine my actions and so it really isnt so much free will. Its only free will in the sense that I get myself into these situations in the first place, but most of them are created through in action, so I guess it is free will but the absence of decision making that is creating these situations and so they arent really tests and they dont really progress. All they really do is time and time again confirm that I do have a lot of potential for a lot of things, but I dont really actively pursue any of it in any direction.

And a person who takes no direction would in essence be empty. Like a boat out on the open sea with no heading and its sail blowing in the wind. Wherever the wind takes it is where it will be, and so that's to a large extent how the last few years have happened. This road trip was to create a bit of my own direction. So far I can say that it has confirmed my original estimations of the situation but I have yet to really take action. I mean I have in some small regards of course but there is much to do.

I really dont want to spend all of my time on this road trip thinking and being introspective because that will of course mean that I will miss a lot of whats going on around me and at the same time, it will drive me to insanity as it has in the past.

But its hard to escape when you are here alone, by yourself on this journey, because there is no one around you to take your mind off of things so its basically up to you to create your own adventures. The Rally racing was one adventure but after the first day it was already known, and so it was no longer new and exciting. I of course enjoyed the actual driving of the car and learning various things about Rally in general, but in terms of my progress on the road trip it was all completed within the first day. If not even sooner.

Perhaps the reason I felt no excitement or anxiety about it is because everything I learned from pushing myself to take the course was accomplished by simply calling the place and making a reservation and heading out on the road.

That first day that I was on the road and the live earth concert was playing was magical and very uplifting and I suppose it was so because it was definitely a step against inertia and it was a heading in a direction that I had always wanted to venture in. But Rallying was really part of who I am, I know I have natural inclinations towards it so it wasn't that challenging and ultimately it wasn't that rewarding. Because I need to venture into areas where I am unsure of myself.

Or perhaps thats a lie too, because before I took the course I was unsure of my Rallying and yet when I was in it, it all came naturally, so perhaps will other aspects of the directions I want to head in. But of course those directions have to be taken in order to experience those things, and at the same time I suppose I know already which would be truly the hardest.

It seems a bit of introspective thought isn't entirely a bad thing, as long as it has a good heading.

Hrm, that is definitely something for me to ponder on the road heading West, and maybe I'll have a bit clearer of an understanding of what is that I wish to do, even though I'm sure I already know it, just refuse to admit to myself or commit myself to those notions and ideas.

Commitment.

Now that's a scary word for me. That is probably a very large part of it. Wait, I'm sure it is a very large part. Definitely a large piece of the puzzle.

After this I'm heading off to Albuquerque, NM although it will take me at least two days to get there. I finished up the Rally school without getting the car rolled or on top of anymore hills. Although I did lose control of the car in the same turn that I got it up on the hill, but I guess the Rallying paid off because I was able to control the skid through the two turns and get it through without incident, although I fumbled on the pedals and couldnt get it straight so I did end up spinning near the end. But throughout the incident at least I did accomplish what I intended the first time, even if I wasn't really looking to do it. But thats Rally, half the time what you intention doesnt happen and you go with what you have, or something else happens and you just have to make due.

I'm starting to think that this road trip alone isn't the best idea. I don't really mind the time alone in the car, much like my dad, that part is pretty decent. What I do mind is getting to all of these cities with no one to share the experience with and being a fish out of water. It all just seems rather pointless.

But that's not entirely a bad thing because I realize this now, so its changing my perspective on a few things.

Honestly though I'm pretty tired of writing and thinking and especially talking. Unfortunately I have a ways to go till I get to those points where I can just take things in and let them be. By a ways to go I mean heading out to Nevada which is still around 1800-2000 miles away.

I think I may have seen a dead bear on the road. A little cub, as I was passing through Alabama. The entire trip so far has been filled with all kinds of wildlife. I've seen what I think was a bear, either a coyote or a fox that was on the rally track, a rabbit at the bed and breakfast as I was leaving, lots and lots of crows that apparently love to make a racket when it rains, some weird ass insects, some steriod popping ants, and something that looks like a twig or that it belongs in the ocean. Oh, and also a huge spider and scorpion that one of the guys that was staying at the bed and breakfast captured in his room and showed everyone during breakfast.

The scorpion played possum while he was in the glass cup and wouldnt move. But as soon as he was put down on the counter he scurried off. Paula, who is in charge of the bed and breakfast and a very nice elderly lady in her 50s or 60s quickly grabbed the cup and bashed him twice, getting him on the first whack and there by ending his attempted escape.

Other interesting tidbits is that Paul Newman attended the same Rally school that I did.

I think that's it for now, this is a pretty crappy entry considering everything so maybe I'll add something else in a minute. No reason to just delete it though.

Indecision is as much decision as decision is decision.

On top of that there is no perfect run because every car that passes through the track kicks up the dirt and gravel and sends it flying, so on each pass the track is completely different. Where you used to be slipping now you have grip. Additionally you have to set yourself up for things in advance, half of the time you are thinking about the second turn, not the immediate one coming up, so you start to get into a specific drift on the first turn only to discover it isn't working out as you planned and so you have to bail on it and create something else on the spot.

As my instructor says Rally is a very optimistic sport. The second that you doubt yourself you can't do it, half the time you have to commit yourself to things that normally you wouldn't because to a rational mind it seems like you are driving into a tree or hill instead of around it. On top of that you cant beat yourself up over things. If you set yourself up for a pendulum and it doesn't quite whip around, well then you improvise on the spot and add some hand brake. The spirit of never give up is the essence of rally.

Today I saw an old video of a car that literally flips over and lands on its wheels and as the crowd rushes over to make sure the driver and navigator are ok, the guy simply pulls back, gets back on the road and keeps going even though every single part of his car looks like its completely destroyed.

In life a lot of things are the same way, like stock investment, or playing poker. Its important to separate yourself from whatever momentary discomfort you experience so that you can reset yourself and move on to the next hand, the next investment, or the next turn without giving yourself a huge mental handicap that is usually impossible to overcome.

That is why my instructor tells me that the best rally drivers are usually artistic. Because its all created on the spot, you have to go with the flow, literally. If something doesn't work, create something else, if you see an opportunity take advantage of it.

Today was my first day at the Rally School and its been quite an experience to say the least. Outside the temperature was somewhere around 100 and inside the car it was even hotter since there isn't much of a working A/C. My EZPass' velcro attachments actually metled and it fell on the floor. Tomorrow Im going to have to cover the front of the car with the moving canopy to hopefully keep some of the heat out because Im tired of reattaching the EZPass plus Im afriad one of these times it just wont stick back on.

In retrospect Rally is pretty much exactly how I imagined it but at first when I was in the car it felt unnatural. But only in the sense that I hadn't done it before in a truly Rally car. Kind of akin to the first time I went jet skiing with Annie and I was riding passenger. Because I had no input and I had no idea what to expect my basic logic which wasnt framed around the subject at all since I had no experience with it created situations where I felt uneasy. Of course all of these feelings quickly faded when I got behind the wheel and I didn't notice how hard the car leaned, and it does, because it sits higher than most of the cars Im used to (M3/M5).

We worked on the hand brake 180 turn and the pendulum and spent most of our day on a stage of their rally course. I think I'm getting the hang of it pretty quick. I know I'm no professional, but I should give credit where it's due and for my first day I think I was able to put a lot of things together rather quickly and definitely thanks in large part to alot of my driving up to this point. Including driving the M3 on summer tires in the winter, because the respect for the car and the healthy concern or fear translates into some good manners for driving Rally on gravel, such as increasing the pressure on the brakes instead of slamming them. And while that may seem obvious its one thing to say it and another to simply do it instinctively, which is pretty much how things go with Rally. You do it once or twice where it feels awkward and you kind of just trust the instructor and that first time that it swings around like it should and you are perfectly connected with the car is all it takes for you to really pick it up.

Well not you, I mean me, but you get the drift, lol, no pun intended.

Anyway, I dont really feel up to writing much tonight, maybe I'll rewrite it later, I spent all day telling everyone how it was anyway so I feel like I've said the same things a million times again.

Children have characters. They are born with a certain disposition, and all of the changes that you go through in life, are they ever really that deep? Sometimes it seems that we are like rivers, and although we change, our paths do not, that was laid out for us with our birth and all we can do is determine how wide, or with how much ferocity the river of our life will flow.

Often enough we give up too easily, letting the illusion of hard work and sacrifice shield us from the truth. That truth being that we are avoiding that which we should truly do. It doesn't make the interim work any less noble, or beneficial, but simply, it isnt what is meant to be.

In the end its nothing more than looking at a lightening storm several hundred miles in the distance across the expanse of the lake in the darkness that only occurs when you are far from the lights of the city that I realize that this is frightening. The orange and yellow glow, the amber spark of the sky, the way it stays illuminated a bit longer than the flash of lightening itself.

Turning around, I gasp, because up in the sky where the lightening isnt, where the clouds aren't, there are stars. In this darkness they are here, but to me they aren't hopeful, because they are a reminder of being alone in the universe, but at the same time I can see the majesty behind them that captured the imaginations of all of our predecessors for hundreds of years. But now we have science which has revealed their secrets and like childhood fantasies destroyed the illusions that they created.

So which is more real? The imagination or the reality of atoms? But that's not the right question, because what does either have to do with being happy? Then again, what is the point?

On the one hand as I'm going to do something tomorrow that I've talked about for years I feel nothing. Not the usual pangs of anxiety that I experience the night before my birthday as a kid, or the anxiety I feel the day before I go to pick up a new car. At the same time I dont have any negative emotions either, like the fear that maybe I'm not as good as I hope, or living up to my own or other people's expectations.

I do not think it is because I do not care, because in fact I do care. I would venture to guess it is because I'm at peace and that with every mile I traveled I have left a small piece of Moisey behind. But not the good parts or the bad parts. Simply the parts that he was invested in without really determining if that investment was something he decided on or something that he stumbled into. Because in the end, my good character makes me responsible, but being responsible and being good doesn't mean that I'm doing what I was meant to do.

Perhaps, this is what I was meant to do and so there is no fear, or excitement, there is just the moment.

There just is.

I dunno what it is about this Moveable Type interface but the second I have it open and ready to starting writing about my day is the second that I'm completely exhausted and ready to pass out. Anywho, I'm down in Starke, Florida, which is where the Rally School is. I booked it last minute same as the charming bed and breakfast that Im staying at. It's in the middle of nowhere and you literally take a winding dirt road to get to it, which is great and fits in with the whole Rally motif for this week. Although the town isn't much, this b&b is surprisingly nice. Its located right on a lake, I have a bedroom on the second floor with my own bathroom and a very sizable balcony which looks straight out on to the lake due West. Can you say great sunsets?

There are also two piers which I plan to use tomorrow to go swimming, even though to be honest I've always been afraid of lakes because they seem to have more fishes inhabiting them than oceans. I dunno if that's odd or not? Being more afraid of lakes than oceans? I guess its because in Oceans the only bad stories you hear about is sharks and I try to stay away from those waters, but with Lakes there are more, although at the moment the only one that comes to mind is Lake Placcid, but still that seems scarier than shark. I dont think there is any rational explanation for it, you just have to accept it as it is.

I've driven over 1,000 miles now, I think its 1,003 to be exact and I'll get the readings from the car later to update my totals. It's been a pretty decent ride so far. I'm sustaining my energy with a healthy diet of sugar free redbulls, subway sandwiches, and the occasional waffle from waffle house. It seems that traveling across America with a bad stomach isnt the brightest idea as there aren't many healthy much less organic alternatives for you to partake of while you are on the road.

I'm a little tips at the moment after digesting my chicken alfredo that I chased with a Heineken, so without much fanfare or further a due here are a few images that I managed to upload, basically of my drive through Florida and then the B&B where I am staying.

Odd thing happened when I left the house though. As I was walking to the car with half of my bags, what I believe was a dragon fly, flew straight into my face. Now I'm not sure if thats a good sign or a bad sign, so I guess I will have to see how the rest of the trip goes before I can decide. Personally I'm hoping it's good. Though I know if birds fly into you it means you have no soul, I hope the rules are different for insects.

Aside from that I caught most of the Live Earth show while I was driving. The one in Giants Stadium. It was great because the music fit the drive perfectly and it made the time fly by. Also got some ideas for work from it and I realized why Kanye is so successful. Aside from the fact that he was always an amazing producer, as a rapper, he actually speaks his mind. If you listen to his music you will see him be very self-deprecating and calling himself out on shit, such as mouthing off about Bush, being vain, being shallow, buying into the retail culture etc. But then the second half of each song after he has done that actually deals with real life issues. He has his share of just fluff songs too, but most of his hits actually speak about real issues. I'm not saying that he is the most insightful guy on the planet or that he offers new ideas or takes on things, but he doesn't have to. Because he shares himself with his audience, the good, the bad, and the stuff that hes just thinking about.

I dunno, maybe being in the car alone for too long makes you a little high, but I think I bonded with him lol.

Anyway, Im fucking exhausted after spending the better part of an hour getting MT setup on the slowest ass connection on the face of the planet. Hi-Speed internet access my ass.