M5 Diaries

Where to begin, where to begin?

I saw Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee.

Now I guess you will have to read to the end to find out how, lol.

I set off from Albuquerque heading for Vegas. My dad recommended that I arrive there at night to drive in and see it all lit up so I wasnt opposed to a bit of sight seeing on my way off.

After leaving New Mexico where I wasn't comfortable to partake of any tokes because of the border patrol incident, I was happy to drive through Arizona and give it a go. After toking a bit I took a detour to see America's first recorded crater. At first I thought the exhibit would suck, but after seeing it, I was completely wrong. After scaring the shit out of myself with that I was back on the road.

Making good time I decided to pull over for some more toking and making my reservations, hoping to kill time. Seeing as how it was taking too long I took off, after passing a few signs for the hoover dam none of which I took I decided to take a detour through some lake path instead. I drove down this ridiculously twisty gravelly road and the entire time I could only think about how great of a Rally track this would make.

I got to the bottom and its actually a huge lake at the bottom of a canyon I suppose. So I hang out there for a while and again toke a bit, just as I do so forrest rangers drive up right behind me. So once again I'm on high alert but I dont abandon the J. When I hear them leave I get back in my car and start driving up the same windy road.

Just as the trees are kicking in and I start taking the corners a bit faster my car overheats. It was sitting at the bottom of that lake in 115 degree weather and I had been driving for like 6 hours straight before that so the car didnt handle it well. I pulled over and popped the engine cool off. The sun was already setting so I decided to play it safe and wait till it set and hopefully lowered the temperature of the air. With nothing to do I decided to listen to my iPhone and toke some more.

Then I thought, I'm in the middle of nowhere with a great buzz and music. So I did the only thing I could do. I danced in the middle of a desert with an overheated M5 in the background with it's hood popped, me tripping balls on some very nice trees, dancing like an idiot. That went on for a good hour or so where I also realized that dancing in 100 degree weather with no drinks while chewing gum after having just smoked up a shitload probably wasnt the brightest idea. I decided to get back in the car and drive off as the sun had just about completely set.

I lowered the windows to get any remaining smell out and set off. At this point I'm literally flying and driving in the dark, with no ambient light on a single lane highway that goes through the mountains at like 45-65mph and where the next lane over is on-coming traffic. In front of me is a huge RV and I'm just flipping my shit.

Just as I settle into it I see that there is a check point up a head. I'm thinking just great. I decided to quickly just dump the roach and really lower the windows. When I pull up its a Nevada/Arizona border patrol. Everything is in slow motion because I'm really just gone at this point. The officer asks me where Im headed. I tell him Vegas, doing the whole cross-country road trip. As Im still fumbling in my pants to get my license out he waves me on past. Instead of driving off and thanking my lucky stars, I decided to tell him to hold on a sec while I put away all of that stuff. As I drove I was thinking what the fuck am I doing.

Then behind me pulls up this impala so Im thinking its them but I know its not but it still feels like it. So anyway we keep driving and the road doesn't get any better. And then as it gets even more twisty I realized the high security was for the hoover dam and before I know it we turn a corner and I see the dam. It's huge and light up at night. The road continues to wind down and then I realize that this road drives right over it. It's exactly like out of a James Bond movie, or Total Recall, or Equilibrium. I felt I was on the run being chased by the Po Po driving through some sort of weird technological fortress, all the while windows down with the Vegas heat and my music blaring.

After stopping off to take a picture of it at night I drive on through it. Im actually on the dam as I pass the border between arizona and New Mexico, and there is a clock in a tower just to your right and its because the time zone shifts exactly at this line and I drove over it. My heart is still flying the speeds there are like 15 mph with twisty roads and pedestrian crossings and cops everywhere. Just as I pass through the fortress area of the hoover dam I pull into a small gas station and get a Diet 7UP because I need fluids. I know Im tripping balls because the attendant stares at me, which probably makes sense because I was overacting and my eyes were all over the place.

After finishing half the bottle I set off back on the road and Im driving through more twisty roads. Finally things settle down and I ease up a little and put on some music. Then I drive over the highway and I see Las Vegas spread out before me at night and I literally start saying Wow Wow Wow over and over again. After leaving San Antonio and even before that I haven't really been to any big cities, and not at night lit up. Here I am driving into it a night and it looks exactly like cities look from a plane, except Im seeing it at ground level and I can even see the elevation of some buildings. So Im driving in flipping out and I decide to put on Blinded By The Light as it seemed only appropriate.

So I drive into the city with music blaring tripping and not knowing what planet Im on. I get to the hotel and I pop a U right in front of a cop, although I think it was legal. I pull up to the valet and get my baggage checked with a handler and then I walk over to the reception area. As the guy is working on my stuff I look around and I see this really skinny tatooed guy walking. Then I realize on shit thats Tommy Lee. And he has a few peeps next to him including this blonde chick with a huge rack, and as she turns to say something I'm like holy shit thats Pamela Anderson. So they walk out and I get my card and slowly make my way to the elevators. As I'm getting my phone out guess who passes me? Tommy Lee. So I follow him, get to the elevators and walk into his without even looking at the sign. When I realize that Im in the wrong one since this one is for even numbers only I walk out. And that was my entire run with the celeb world. Well at least for now, who knows lol.

Anyway, I got in and called Ben and then decided to write this all up before showering and heading down stairs.