Peyote
Today feels like an extremely long day, although I only traveled around 560 miles. In the morning after viewing some of the pictures from yesterday I thought that I was missing some of the beauty around me so when I set out on the road again I decided to light up a few trees to make the passage a bit more enjoyable.
Well glad to report that it did. I was able to take in more of the nature and spend time thinking but in positive routes. To the point where I gave Alina a call to I guess say good bye because we both know thats the only place that this would end up. It was a bit awkward and should have been but it laid the path for the rest of the day.
Halfway through the day I was in El Paso, Texas. I decided to randomly turn off the freeway because I wanted to get lunch somewhere local and took an exit for Juarez. It then turned out to be an exit for Juarez Mexico. Mexico as in the other country just south of us. Well that was a surprise, and given how I had no passport, lost my green card, and didnt want to risk not re-entering the country I took the only available exit other than leaving the country entirely.
Using citysearch via the iPhone I looked up a Mexican place and punched it into the Navi but on my way there I passed by a scenic drive. The road was literally called scenic drive, after filling up I went on it. It basically goes up and around a small mountain which borders the town on one side. There I decided to do some climbing and burn more trees. Then I went up to the lookout point where I met a local grandmother and her granddaughter that was visiting and she pointed a few interesting notes. Such as that 70% of what I saw below wasn't El Paso but was in fact Juarez Mexico which border each other. Originally they were separated by a river, that when it flooded would literally move the border with it. To make the border more static it was replaced with a canal system. She recommended an Italian place and I checked it out. It was pretty good then I set off back on the road.
As I got into New Mexico I had to pass through border control which was a bit weird. And wouldnt you know it they had a drug sniffing dog. So as I drove by the guy asked me where are you from, I told him New York. Then I saw the guy with the dog walking behind the car and I had an "Oh Shit" moment. He asked me where I was headed, I told him Albuquerque. Then he waved me on. It wasnt until I would reach a gas station on the way to Albuquerque that I would see something that would resemble a snout passing by the trunk in the dirt left behind. That's when I removed the remainder from the pocket of the bookbag and decided to finish it off on my drive into the town, as I felt that was a safer route.
Then having a conversation with Meg I guess I would have to say that I had that epiphany moment that makes complete sense. Basically, if you ever watched the movie with Tom Hanks, "Big" that's what my life is.
Sometime when I was younger, probably between 11 and 13 years old I wished away all of my insecurities. Well I was poor and fat and I wished that I could be different. Well, somehow that wish was granted because that's what I am now. But in return I sacrificed all of my emotional development in the interim. Then at some point as I was accomplishing these things I started walking up. However, I was still that 11 or 13 year old and in a 20 year olds body. But I thought I was 20 so I would project that image, and of course being 11 or 13 I could never live up to it, and that was the cause of alot of my discomfort, and much of the sadness that has plagued me the last several years.
Well realizing all of this, combining it with my morning conversation with Alina I realized that what I feel is what I feel, thats how I have to act, if I dont, I create an image and by default I can not live up to a false image, it's dishonest.
So anyway taking a breather to watch Entourage isn't good for stream of conciousness writing, but the basic jist is that I am what I am despite outside appearances and if I just approach all situations like that I will be happier, I will make progress, and since I have all of these fun things now that I didnt have back then, then this should be a blessing not a curse and so I should embrace it to the fullest and just be myself.
Oh yeah, Albuquerque closes early on Sundays, lol.
Vegas tomorrow baby, although I'm thinking I would have been better off with reservations or with a little bit of planning maybe. I guess we'll see if I get a hit or strikeout.